I have always been a rule follower. Yup, things were black and white, right and wrong, and I really liked staying in the lines and out of trouble. This personality trait has a lot a positives to it. I have always been very driven, a high achiever, and seen the "big picture" of things. On the downside, it led to an extremist tendency. For example, when I turned 21 it just didn't feel right to go from not being allowed to drink to it suddenly being okay...and I definitely wasn't going to go out on the town and get drunk...so I refused to take my first drink of alcohol until months later. I didn't have a good reason, I had just trained my brain so hard one direction that it was not an easy feeling to adjust. It took me a long time to drink socially and feel okay with the concept.
So similarly, when I was told sex before marriage was a sin, my brain channeled that in to the same category. Unfortunately that led to more of a "sex is bad" mantra verses an understanding of the love and purpose behind the teaching. I liked the rules, but just following a rule I learned was meaningless without a foundation of knowledge behind the "why". When I was asked "Why do you practice NFP?", my initial response was, "Because I'm Catholic". I quickly concluded that answer was not enough. I no longer wanted to just follow the rules, rather I wanted to understand why the rules were present to allow me to grow in my relationship with my husband and with Christ.
I was blown away by what I found
NFP has been around for a long time, but not without questioning. In fact, an entire council sat down and recommended to the Pope that he overturn the Church's teaching on contraception to adapt with the changes in culture. Obviously the teaching didn't change, but why?
Do not separate the unitive and procreative act.
This means one may work within the natural bounds on your God-given fertility to achieve or avoid pregnancy. In addition, every act of intercourse should fulfill these four things:
- Fully human (You have free will and can choose when to have intercourse-in or out of your fertile window)
- Totally (I take you completely for all that you are, including your fertility)
- Faithful (With only your spouse)
- Fruitful (You DO NOT have to conceive every time, but if you do you are always open to the possibility of life)
When we got married (5 years ago!!) my husband and I committed to using NFP before we totally understood the full definition. We started with a mucus-based method and avoided pregnancy for 2.5 years. I had some underlying health issues and was able to identify a progesterone deficiency using my chart. This information allowed me to seek treatment from a Catholic OBGYN and two months after starting progesterone supplementation, we conceived my son. This was a surprise, but the best one we ever received. It was a blessing that my body was finally healthy enough to carry a child.
After giving birth we were introduced to the Marquette Method, a way to objectively measure urinary hormones to chart our fertility. We used Marquette to avoid pregnancy, and then to achieve pregnancy with our daughter. We love this method so much and how it helped us navigate the uncertainties of the postpartum period. I felt God calling me to use my master's degree in nursing education to teach in a capacity that united faith, science, and education. He led me straight in to teaching the Marquette Method!
It is truly incredible to be in tune with one's own body and know that I am fearfully and wonderfully designed by God. In a world where fertility is treated like a disease, NFP has allowed me to see the gift that it is.
So what about NFP in marriage? It is not always easy. The hardest part is that you abstain when you are most fertile and your libido is the highest. Hands down the most difficult part. What is beautiful in that? First off, the fact that my husband loves and respects me so much that he is willing to demonstrate self mastery and show love in other ways (ie: cleaning the kitchen, cooking dinner, back massage, etc.). That takes a strong, faithful, and devoted husband and it an absolute dying to self and demonstration of love. I remind him of that too because I know it isn't easy. It also gives me an opportunity to demonstrate the same love to him. Second, NFP forces us to communicate. Do we want to conceive? Do we want to avoid? If we take a risk we do so in good conscious knowing that God has a greater plan. While we feel confident in our 98% effectiveness stats using the Marquette Method, we have a greater peace in the loving intentions of God the Father who always knows best. Third, it has strengthened our marriage because we allow God in to the most intimate part of our relationship. A cord of three strands is not easily broken, and God's love and grace is the best glue in a marriage.
I practice what I teach. I will say NFP is an incredible blessing in my life, in my marriage, and helps me grow closer to God.
It is a journey, and as always, I am striving.
Journey with me, walk with me, and feel free to comment.
Christy
www.nfpteaching.com
@nfpteaching
#strivinginmotherhood