The Ultimate Surrender

So you have a baby...and it's the most beautiful, wonderful miracle. After you get through the first few weeks of healing (which no one ever tells you about) and forget the trauma of birth itself, you stare at your little one and ask yourself, How in the heck did you come out of me?!

Motherhood is truly a remarkable gift, and one that changes life for the better. It is also what I would call the ultimate surrender.

Now, if you are a type-A perfectionist like myself, you love to be in control. I love to make lists, cross things off those lists, and preferably on sticky notes so I can physically check things off and throw them away when they are complete. I hate seeing unread emails in my inbox. They have to be answered in full so I can then delete them or file them in a folder for future reference. I like my laundry baskets empty, folded clothes in drawers, dishes done, bathrooms clean, and floors vacuumed. If I can sit on the couch at the end of the night and relax, it's because my "to-do" list for the day has been completed....

This was pre-children...because my ultimate surrender has been learning that putting my kiddos first means that not everything on that list will get done. Nap time will not always be two hours long and the chances of both of them sleeping at the same time is rare. Even then, it is okay to use nap time for myself and not run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to be super mom. Failing to meet the expectation of a perfectly clean house, new meal on the table every night, and intentionally entertained children all day is only failing to meet an unrealistic expectation that I have set for myself.

This blog is called "striving in motherhood" because I am not perfect and continue to strive to accept this surrender of control. Ultimately that is what I have found it comes down to-a loss of a sense of control over the little things. There are many days I find myself frustrated and wanting to accomplish tasks rather than be present to my husband or sit and play on the floor for thirty minutes with my son over washing dishes. It is when I make a conscious decision to be present that I am reminded of the value in that time. Thirty minutes chasing my son around the kitchen or indulging his desire to be tickled every time he lays on the floor and exclaims "Oh no!" is thirty minutes of intentional time that says "I love you". It is thirty minutes void of tantrums or frustration and thirty minutes of giggles, laughter, and joy.

Giggles, laughter, and joy...now there's something I don't put on my list every day...but wouldn't those be better goals to strive for?

Things still need to get done, and they do. Just not all in one day and at the expense of appreciating the precious time I have with my family. Like all things, there needs to be a balance. This is something I am focusing on more and  more as I prepare to return to work. Work will require even more balance and less time in the week.

So here's to countless years ahead of living in the present, enjoying the little moments, and learning to surrender control. 

Journey with me, pray with me, and feel free to comment.

@nfpteaching #strivinginmotherhood nfpteaching.com 

The 8 Hour Vacation...Called Work

“Oh my gosh you’re finally home!” Ever say that when your husband walks in the door after a long day at work? From his perspective he’s worked hard for 8 hours to provide for the family, is tired and hungry and relieved to be home. That is until he walks in the door and is greeted by two screaming children and an overwhelmed wife who hands him one of the kids while exclaiming how grateful she is to have some help. Oh and by the way he just pooped so could you handle that for me? 

Nice to see you too, he thinks. 

One of my girlfriends described this as “the 8 hour vacation...called work”. Isn’t it true? I am totally guilty of treating my husband like he has been "on vacation" or "taking a break" when he comes home from an 8 hour day at work. I work hard all day too caring for and entertaining the kids, keeping the house In order, managing the bills, etc. but need to remember that just because he hasn't been home all day doesn't mean he's been fishing and drinking beer. Rather, he's putting all he has into his job to provide for our family.

The challenging thing about motherhood is that the job is physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually taxing. My job as a nurse can be this way too and my husband, who is a geological engineer, jokes "That's why I work with rocks!" By the end of the day I am ready to give my back a break and let him dance Claire around the kitchen or push Hudson in the laundry basket. It is a blessing, not a burden to be home, but like any job, it is important to find a balance so we both get a break. Not only does he feel pressure to work hard all day, but he also wants to spend time with his kids, has projects he wants to get done, a wife he wants to spend time with, and oh yeah friends and hobbies he would like to engage with if he ever had time. So when I treat his job like he has abandoned us all day it doesn't do anyone any good! 

Can you relate? 

Journey with me, pray with me, and feel free to comment.

@nfpteaching #strivinginmotherhood nfpteaching.com 

Less "Doing" More "Being"

“You’re crazy!” 

I heard this a few times last week...from my mother, a handful of friends, and my husband. It’s not that I was intentionally looking for ways to overbook myself, everything just happened to fall in the same week. Yes, I had a baby seven weeks ago and decided to host a dinner and two big parties three nights in a row. Those things always look good on the calendar when you’re planning them because they all fell on different days. What can I say, I function well when I have lots of things to juggle. I didn’t take into account the emotional exhaustion or the fact that party prep is really only plausible in the evening hours after 7pm when my toddler is asleep in bed. So a crazy weekend it was! There wasn’t a lot of sleep but there was a lot of laughter, time with great friends, and joyful celebration. 

I rest well tonight having done it all and of course now thinking...that wasn’t so bad...

But why do I do this to myself? Why do I run around trying to fit in all things and leave little time to breathe? That can’t be a healthy way to live. If we didn’t throw our annual Christmas party people would understand...for heaven’s sake we just had a baby! But I often battle my own personal expectations to pull things off regardless of circumstance. It’s almost like it is a challenge I create for myself to overcome since I know subconsciously I will never back down from the challenge.

I was explaining to a friend why I enjoy hosting. It brings me great pleasure to bring people together and facilitate a place of openness and community. Between my last trimester of pregnancy and the following weeks after giving birth I felt I had fallen off the map. I thrive on relationships and socialization, something I had been missing for several weeks. Not to mention feeling like I had lost control over my body and my schedule, I needed to grasp control and feel accomplished in something. Therefore I put my energy in to hosting and flurried around for four days cooking, cleaning, and entertaining with great joy (and dragging my poor husband along for the ride). 

As I look back over the last few days I am so glad it all happened and wouldn’t have changed a thing. That being said, moving forward I recognize that I need to slow down and let go of the internal pressure to “do it all”. In this next year I am going to work on less “doing” and more “being”, in an effort to intentionally engage with others. I will most definitely be hosting things, as this brings me great joy, but no more stacking things so close that it limits my ability to look forward to and enjoy each event without thinking about what is coming next.

Can you relate?  

Journey with me, pray with me, and feel free to comment.

@nfpteaching #strivinginmotherhood nfpteaching.com 

So Much to do...Not Enough Daylight

Only 45 minutes until the sun sets. My son had just woken up from his nap and my daughter would need to breastfeed again in 30-60 minutes. I had put off my walk so we could visit grandparents that morning and was desperate for some exercise. Not to mention I really needed a pair of heels for a black tie event the next day and my plan was to walk to DSW to complete this errand by way of a four mile walk. It was the perfect plan!

I nestled Claire in my front wrap and loaded Hudson in the stroller with an abundance of backup snacks and a cozy blanket. We were off. I made it in to DSW and down the first aisle when Claire woke up in a rage, her shrill hunger cry piercing the quiet of the store. Naturally, Hudson took this opportunity to try and climb out of the stroller and began crying out for snacks. I handed him some peanut butter puffs and then quickly donned my nursing cover so I could help Claire latch to feed. Her cries were replaced with a ferocious gulping noise. I tucked her bottom and legs back in my wrap to help support her while she fed. The stroller needed to move to keep Hudson happy so I began to cruise around the store looking for size 11 heels.  I was losing my daylight so there o time to sit and feed...

So yes, picture this: me walking around DSW, nursing cover over one shoulder, one arm bracing and supporting my nursing baby, the other arm pushing my toddler in the stroller and intermittently stopping to pull out a box of heels and try them on. It was quite comical. I received a lot of looks but no one said a thing. 

My husband called on his way home from work and offered to pick us up. I had been far too optimistic about the daylight situation and it was now dark and I was wearing black...a very safe way to walk around in rush hour and hope cars could see and yield to me and my two small children. It was also getting cold. He picked up Hudson and I detoured to Trader Joe’s, still determined to walk home. I loaded my stroller (now Hudsonless) with groceries. This was highly amusing to the cashier as it indeed looked like I buried my child with groceries. I too surrendered and asked for a ride after realizing the temperature had dropped and I found myself on the unplowed side of the sidewalk trying to push a stroller full of groceries through icy snow.

What a day! This happy, healthy active mommy has some work to do when it comes to moderation and relaxation. I’m working on taking care of myself as well as my kiddos. Again, I am striving. Each day is a new adventure and I strive for a balance. Now that my sleep hours at night have lengthened and I am working out again I feel energized and like a new person. My adrenaline got the best of me this day. I think next time I’ll pick a workout video instead of racing the sun...

Journey with me, pray with me, and feel free to comment.

@nfpteaching #strivinginmotherhood nfpteaching.com