Moderation. It’s something I struggle with big time...and always have. I battle a toxic little voice in my head that tells me I’m not good enough if I’m not the best.
That B+ was failing because I was capable of a solid A.
That to-do list that grows by the day because I can’t get it all done is unacceptable.
It’s also the reason my stomach turns inside out if I hear that I made someone upset or didn’t meet expectations. I spend so much energy people pleasing and pleasing the perfectionist inside me that the thought of doing something wrong makes me feel like a complete failure...I know, completely ridiculous, right?! A book I read recently (The Heart of Perfection by Colleen Carroll Campbell-HIGHLY recommend) speaks to this perfectionist tendency when it comes to moderation. Campbell says that the perfectionist finds moderation and balance counter-intuitive to their nature. Why should I need balance? I can get it all done and balance would just slow me down...and this is what can be so toxic. Thank you Colleen for putting words to something so real in my life and calling out my dissatisfaction with having to take a break. She also clarifies that there is no room for perfectionist tendencies in motherhood.
As I’ve mentioned many times before, motherhood has humbled me. It has also helped me learn to accept this idea of moderation and balance. When your kiddos come first in life you really can't meet all the same demands you put on yourself before they existed. This leaves limited time for self, and I have to decide how to balance that. I can’t go to the gym every night, and really, I shouldn’t. I’m tired as it is from breastfeeding, working, and taking care of my kids. Do I need to push myself at the gym to lose the baby weight in record time and make myself more exhausted for the next day?
The answer is no, and I have to remind myself that it is okay to take a break. I am no longer a college athlete pushing myself to the limit to ensure optimal performance in my sport. I will always be an athlete and fitness will remain important to me, but balance is remaining active, eating well, and keeping my priorities in check. At this stage of life it is not maxing out weights or beating a personal record every week.
So where in my past life of B.K. (before kids) I would have anxiety about not working out every single day, my new and improved self A.K. (after kids) can tolerate a day of healing, rest, and relaxation.
When you come from an extreme end of the spectrum sometimes moderation can be as simple as choosing to stay home, sip a glass of wine and watch Netflix with my husband. The win is internally being okay with this choice. I continue to battle that toxic voice, but practice makes perfect and I hope that by example I can teach my children how to live with balance in their life.
Can you relate?
Journey with me, pray with me, and feel free to comment.
@nfpteaching #strivinginmotherhood www.nfpteaching.com
I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin for no reason. Restless, closed off, distant, emotional...I just wanted to cry!
Anxiety is hands down my least favorite feeling. It doesn't happen often, but when it does I feel overwhelmed and out of control... a volcano about to explode if I don't find a way to release the restless energy...and boy do I hate feeling out of control! My sweet husband gave me an out to the gym to blow off some steam, the one hour to myself I needed more than anything. I powered on the elliptical feeling my energy put to good use and feeling relief as sweat trickled down my neck.
Searching for wisdom I came across the following verse:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus". Philippians 4:6-7
This verse took me to prayer. I thought I was looking to scripture for advice, but in all actuality I was looking to solve the problem on my own. I have a pattern always trying to be the one in control. The intentions are good and I think I am handling it all, and then realize that I am actually trying to do it alone. Reflecting on this verse I was called to take a step back. This verse wasn't telling me that I could fix this on my own, rather it reminded me that I needed to let God in and surrender my underlying fears, insecurities, and frustrations. I needed to be okay with letting go of the control, which was the underlying cause of my anxiety.
I am working to bring God in to every part of my daily life. I shouldn't just call when I need Him, but I should invite Him in to even the simple, mundane aspects of my everyday living. I am striving to find the constant peace and security that comes with His presence. I need to stop trying to be in control and let go of the unrealistic expectations that only I set for myself. I am loved simply for who I am. I am always enough.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Jesus, I trust in You.
Can you relate?
Journey with me, pray with me, and feel free to comment.
@nfpteaching #strivinginmotherhood nfpteaching.com
Who are your people? Do you have even one person you can call on when things get tough or who you feel "gets" you? I talk about this a lot with nursing. You have to have someone you can process your day with who was in the trenches with you and understands the physical, mental, and emotional toll of the job.
Motherhood is the same way.
This week I was reminded of the importance of having community. After Claire's baptism we invited people back to the house for
dinner. I was overwhelmed with gratitude as I looked around at all the
amazing friends in our life. We have friends in all stages, but all who
have been present in different ways to love and support us in our life
journey. The kids ran around and played together and the house was
filled with conversation, laughter, and joy.
I once heard that you will only take a handful of people with you through each stage of life, and found this to be true as I moved from childhood to high school, college, single life, married life, and now life with children. The reality is you need some people who are experiencing life as you are. These are the people who understand the hardest days because they too are going through it themselves. I have friends in all stages of life and it is important to hold on to those friendships that are dear to you, but it is also important to expand your friend group so you don't feel alone.
Motherhood can feel isolating.
In the beginning you're not sleeping and not sure how you're going to survive. No one told you it was going to be this hard! Your schedule revolves around nap time, feedings, and the limitations based on the age of your child. Then you have two kids and feel like you can never leave the house for more than an hour before someone needs to be breastfed or it's time for the other's nap. Sometimes it's easier to stay home then try to coordinate all the diapers and snacks you need to be out of the house for two hours...and that's if you get out of the house on time!
Play dates are life giving! I have a group of friends and all our kids were born within a year of each other. When we started getting together they would all lay on the floor and roll, and now they run around putting buckets on each other's heads and steal each other's toys. While we enjoy watching them play and the kids love it, us moms have decided that they are really "Mom dates". This is the 1-2 hours we get to sit and process the joys and struggles of motherhood. I know I'm not the only one with a toddler who throws tantrums and some days runs my patience to the ground, and it is nice to share ideas and be affirmed in my role as mom. We are all doing our best and supporting each other in this stage of life.
You will never regret getting out of the house to socialize, even if it's in your yoga pants and hair in a messy bun. All of us moms know we're not perfect and it is so life giving to be surrounded by people who are real, not afraid to talk about the hard things, and who are there to build you up.
Find your people. If you don't have any, google mom groups, ask around at your church or place of work, or find a group like "MOPS" (mothers of preschoolers). If you have a group, be that one to invite someone in with a new baby. Moms have to support each other. In this day where most of us are balancing home, work, life, marriage, and motherhood, we need an intentional group that provides love and support.
Find ways to be in community. We are made to walk through life with others, not alone.
Can you relate?
Journey with me, pray with me, and feel free to comment.
@nfpteaching #strivinginmotherhood nfpteaching.com
