Seasonal Joy

Christmas time is here! I woke up the day after Thanksgiving with the ambitious intention to take down the fall decorations and fill the house with Christmas spirit (Yes, I am one of those people who will not break out the Christmas lights until the day after Thanksgiving). My husband was diligently working to put new shelving in the garage and I was awaiting nap time so I could accomplish my mission during my toddler’s 1-2 hour nap...which of course never happened. He chose to not nap and during his hour of taking to himself my sweet baby girl wanted to cluster feed...so needless to say I got a few boxes of decorations out of the basement and that was it. 

Hudson (my 18 month old) was taking great pleasure in unpacking all my boxes and playing with new found treasures. He was also looking for attention every time I picked up his sister or attempted to continue decorating. I had to take a step back and accept the fact that my agenda was not going to happen, and that was okay. I turned on my Amy Grant Christmas Pandora station and began to dance around the kitchen. 

Now mind you, I am no dancer. I have rhythm and can sing, but my parents tell me they never laughed as hard as they did watching me as a child attempting to be a ballerina. 

But my kiddos don’t know that!

So I stopped trying to hang the garland one handed and began to channel my inner ballerina as I danced around the kitchen, enjoying the seasonal sounds. Hudson thought this was hilarious and began to mimic my actions and spin circles with me, laughing and falling down as he spun. I set my baby down and picked him up and we began to dance. 

"It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas..."

He giggled as we spun and dipped, and then nodded his head as to say “Again mom, again!”

We laughed and my husband joined in as he came in the door. The Christmas joy I had wanted to inspire through decorating was far more tangible in this moment. We then sat on the floor and played with the ornaments. Instead of putting the box out of his reach, we went through them one by one, Hudson admiring them and expressing "oohs and ahhs".  He adorned himself with the strings of beads and giggled with delight at the napkin ring holders he pulled out of the storage bin. 

I sat back and smiled. The music and decorations fill me with excitement and memories of Christmas, but it is the joy these things represent that should be predominantly displayed in our home and by my family. In this precious family time my son's pure joy reminded me of the reason for the season. 

Can you relate? 

Journey with me, pray with me, and feel free to comment.

@nfpteaching #strivinginmotherhood nfpteaching.com 

Grateful for Motherhood

A few months ago I was chasing Hudson (he was 15 months at the time) around the back of the church so I could hear mass without the rest of the congregation hearing his joyful voice. It was the normal routine: start in the pew until he was too restless, then pace the back of the church from the statue to the candles to the baptismal font, and then out behind the doors where all the other parents were standing rocking crying children or letting little ones roam. Hudson ran over to the bookshelf that displayed faith-focused books for sale and began to knock them off the shelf so he could then put them back.

It was a delightful game in his eyes, and an exhausting one in my eyes. I was in my third trimester of pregnancy and any game that involved bending down was not my favorite. There was an elderly gentleman sitting by the bookcase as Hudson loudly and gleefully sent the books crashing down. I bent down to put them back and looked up at the man apologetically, thinking he must be extremely irritated by the noise and distraction.

The man looked at me and smiled with shining eyes. "What a blessing!" he exclaimed, smiling at Hudson. "I wish I had that kind of energy again."

I was taken aback by his kindness and the joy he gleaned from Hudson. 
"Yes," I smiled back at him, "Yes, he is".

What I found as annoying this man saw as a gift. It was a beautiful reminder to enjoy each season of life for what is has to offer. It is so easy to become frustrated with my kids and I forget to appreciate their enthusiasm for life and contagious joy. There will always be challenges, but taking a step back I hear his words and am reminded of the incredible blessings my children are to me. So during this week of Thanksgiving I strive to maintain a grateful heart and count my blessings.

I give thanks for this gift of motherhood.

Can you relate?  

Journey with me, pray with me, and feel free to comment.

@nfpteaching #strivinginmotherhood nfpteaching.com 

Controlled Chaos

I have been an Emergency Nurse at a trauma center for four years and love situations that involve lots of adrenaline, fast-paced work, and critical thinking. We function in what we like to call "controlled chaos". Patient rolls through the door, little is known about their situation, and they are crashing. All hands are on deck to stabilize the patient. Meanwhile two other critical patients are rolling in the door, all rooms are full, and more help is needed in the hall. Prioritization some days is truly assessed by "Is anyone dying?" 

Motherhood is so challenging, but in so many different ways. No, nobody is bleeding out or dying at this moment (a mother's worst nightmare), but we still operate in a controlled chaos, just of a different nature.

For me, the chaos of home life with two little ones consists of constant needs. These come from the kids, the house, my husband, and myself. These are things like dishes, never-ending laundry, diapers, tantrums, needs for food (and lots of it), balancing marriage, sleep (lol), snuggles, story time, adventures to the park, play dates, nap time...the list goes on. And as you attempt to conquer one thing, priorities quickly shift as the two minute attention span of your child has now taken you to the other room to prevent them from painting the living room walls with the toilet brush...so the dishes will wait!

So when my husband comes home from work and wonders why the dishes are stacked in the sink, toys strewn across the floor, pots and pans are in the living room, and I have chalk across the backside of my sweatpants, I can choose to be frustrated or just laugh.

I laugh because at the end of the day it's very possible the dishes haven't been done, the laundry remains unfolded, and my son needs a bath to remove peanut butter from his hair...BUT, he is giggling and running around the living room playing peekaboo with me, we have sung 10 renditions of "The Wheels on the Bus", and he is now saying "please" (which adorably sounds like "peas"). I laugh because most days getting it all done is impossible if I'm trying to be intentional and engaged with the kids. These moments of engagement are the things that matter more than checking boxes off my personal list. 

When I reflect at the end of the day sometimes I feel like I have failed myself and my husband if I haven't been able to maintain the perfect household among other things. It was a fun, safe, and controlled day amidst the daily chaos. Then I remember I am human. My kiddos are happy and feel loved and that is something to be proud of. No one is dying and some things can wait until tomorrow. No one expects perfection except myself, so I need to give myself grace. I am striving. Every day, striving to be my best.

My "End of Shift Charting" might look something like this:
1901: Children are sleeping, respiratory rates even and unlabored, skin pink, warm, and dry. Claire due to feed at 2130. 10 diapers changed, ate Q2-3hours around the clock. Hudson drank 4oz milk and 3oz water before bed. Small bruise to right forehead from monkey bars at the park. Took 1.5hour nap today. Explored backyard and now loves chalk and bubbles. Bed time stories read and prayers said. Motrin given at 1830 for teething. Cooperative with bedtime routine.

House Assessment: Toy cars across bedroom floor, laundry hampers full, washing machine running. Crumbs on living room floor, trash can full with foul odor, leftovers in fridge.

Other Notes: Movie night with husband. Will reassess house tomorrow. -Christy Garbus RN

#strivinginmotherhood

Journey with me, pray with me, and feel free to comment.
-Christy 

Just One of Those Days...

It was "just one of those days..."

Can you relate? I think as a mother those words say it all. One of those days where you count down the hours until your spouse gets home. One of those days your toddler refuses to nap and instead sticks his leg through the slat in the crib to get it stuck to get your attention...instead of napping. One of those days you continually look at the clock and feel like bedtime will never come and consider making bedtime earlier than usual for everyone's sanity. One of those days where you're already exhausted and drained and then both children want to be held all day long, at the same time, and always while you're trying to cook or clean something. One of those days where you're feeding the baby and the toddler wants to be held and breaks down in tears when he sees you are occupied with his sister.

One of those days you finish putting kids to bed, sit down, and just feel exhausted. The house is a mess, the dishes are piled in the sink, the laundry still needs to get done, you desperately need a shower, and you have work to do but you really need sleep. It's only 7pm and if I go to bed now I lose all my precious "me" time or "me and husband" time which is rare these days. I'll be up to feed the baby in 2-3 hours anyways and I've already cut in to that time so is it even worth sleeping yet?

It was one of those days. So I finished feeding my one month old, gave her to my hubby for some bonding time, and went to take a bath with my organic chocolate chip ice cream. I sat in the bath and took a deep breath to recharge. Another day had passed. A long day, but it was over. I felt the exhaustion settle in over my tired body and reflected on the day. I hadn't been at my best. My temper was shorter than usual and I felt I didn't give my sweet 18 month old the intentional time I usually do, which is probably why he was acting out all day...

Was I selfish for wanting him to go to bed early? Did I fail him as mom today? 

I took a moment to process all that had happened, most things that felt bigger than they actually were, and turned my mind to a state of gratitude. I find this a helpful tool when I am overwhelmed and feeling subpar in my role as mom. I am so grateful for the gift of my kids. No matter how hard a day is, they are a blessing. I am grateful for my time at home that I get to spend with them. Not every moment will be perfect, but I have the fortune of getting to raise them and need to remember to treasure these years where they are sweet, innocent, and so in awe of all things around them. (Hopefully they will be sweet and innocent forever!) There is a reason older moms tell you not to blink because they do grow up so fast. 

I refocus to live in the present instead of wishing away this time and stage of life. After all, it was just one day. Tomorrow I will have more patience. Tomorrow is a new day. I finish my alone time with a refreshed state of mind and a grateful heart. It's hard to be angry, burned out, or frustrated while actively expressing gratitude. 

I head to bed ready to take on tomorrow and thank God for the gift of a new day. 



Can you relate? 
Journey with me, pray with me, and feel free to comment.  
Christy 

Striving in Motherhood

“I think I’m going to have to go to work this week if I want to have enough vacation time for January,” my husband said.

“Sure, no problem,” I replied. “I can handle it…”

But can I handle it? 

It had only been a little over a week since I had given birth and I was still physically hurting. My eyes brimmed with tears because, well, quite frankly anything could make me cry right now. Not only that, but I wasn’t emotionally prepared to take on my newborn and toddler solo until Monday. I thought I still had a solid 5 days until I’d have to think about that juggling act, so mentally I was not ready and my energy was still at an all-time low. The more I stood and attempted to simultaneously match the energy and attention needs of my newborn and my 17 month old, the more overwhelmed I became. Today pain and bleeding had returned, making me feel even less equipped to fly solo the next day. 

I really am hurting, but am I making this up? Is my body in stress overload and it’s manifesting physically? (This is the paranoid nurse in me)

Why is this so hard? Why do I feel so overwhelmed? Women do this every day with even more children and I don’t see them complaining! Why can’t I pull it together?

Needless to say there was an explanation for my pain and bleeding that was not psychosomatic, and I did survive my husband working a half day the next day. Sleep deprived and emotional I set my mind to take it one hour at a time. We all made it to 5pm when Dad came home and it felt like a small victory to have managed the two by myself.

I believe that being a mom is one of the hardest and most humbling jobs a woman can have. While I have other hats I wear in other jobs, I write this from the perspective of mom. Working mom and mostly stay at home mom…I have a taste of both. I am still new to this journey of motherhood and will continue to learn each and every day. I am striving. Striving because I am not and never will be perfect, but every day I give it my all and pray that it is enough. 

This is my place of reflection. I reflect on who I am, what I do, and who I am called to be. I strive to grow from my mistakes, laugh at myself, and raise my kids to be the best they can be, and I strive to do it all with great love. I welcome you behind the scenes of my life on this journey of motherhood. Here I strive to be raw, honest, and vulnerable because being a mom is hard and I know I am not alone in what I encounter. 

Journey with me, pray with me, and feel free to comment. 

Christy