Controlled Chaos

I have been an Emergency Nurse at a trauma center for four years and love situations that involve lots of adrenaline, fast-paced work, and critical thinking. We function in what we like to call "controlled chaos". Patient rolls through the door, little is known about their situation, and they are crashing. All hands are on deck to stabilize the patient. Meanwhile two other critical patients are rolling in the door, all rooms are full, and more help is needed in the hall. Prioritization some days is truly assessed by "Is anyone dying?" 

Motherhood is so challenging, but in so many different ways. No, nobody is bleeding out or dying at this moment (a mother's worst nightmare), but we still operate in a controlled chaos, just of a different nature.

For me, the chaos of home life with two little ones consists of constant needs. These come from the kids, the house, my husband, and myself. These are things like dishes, never-ending laundry, diapers, tantrums, needs for food (and lots of it), balancing marriage, sleep (lol), snuggles, story time, adventures to the park, play dates, nap time...the list goes on. And as you attempt to conquer one thing, priorities quickly shift as the two minute attention span of your child has now taken you to the other room to prevent them from painting the living room walls with the toilet brush...so the dishes will wait!

So when my husband comes home from work and wonders why the dishes are stacked in the sink, toys strewn across the floor, pots and pans are in the living room, and I have chalk across the backside of my sweatpants, I can choose to be frustrated or just laugh.

I laugh because at the end of the day it's very possible the dishes haven't been done, the laundry remains unfolded, and my son needs a bath to remove peanut butter from his hair...BUT, he is giggling and running around the living room playing peekaboo with me, we have sung 10 renditions of "The Wheels on the Bus", and he is now saying "please" (which adorably sounds like "peas"). I laugh because most days getting it all done is impossible if I'm trying to be intentional and engaged with the kids. These moments of engagement are the things that matter more than checking boxes off my personal list. 

When I reflect at the end of the day sometimes I feel like I have failed myself and my husband if I haven't been able to maintain the perfect household among other things. It was a fun, safe, and controlled day amidst the daily chaos. Then I remember I am human. My kiddos are happy and feel loved and that is something to be proud of. No one is dying and some things can wait until tomorrow. No one expects perfection except myself, so I need to give myself grace. I am striving. Every day, striving to be my best.

My "End of Shift Charting" might look something like this:
1901: Children are sleeping, respiratory rates even and unlabored, skin pink, warm, and dry. Claire due to feed at 2130. 10 diapers changed, ate Q2-3hours around the clock. Hudson drank 4oz milk and 3oz water before bed. Small bruise to right forehead from monkey bars at the park. Took 1.5hour nap today. Explored backyard and now loves chalk and bubbles. Bed time stories read and prayers said. Motrin given at 1830 for teething. Cooperative with bedtime routine.

House Assessment: Toy cars across bedroom floor, laundry hampers full, washing machine running. Crumbs on living room floor, trash can full with foul odor, leftovers in fridge.

Other Notes: Movie night with husband. Will reassess house tomorrow. -Christy Garbus RN

#strivinginmotherhood

Journey with me, pray with me, and feel free to comment.
-Christy