Striving in Motherhood

“I think I’m going to have to go to work this week if I want to have enough vacation time for January,” my husband said.

“Sure, no problem,” I replied. “I can handle it…”

But can I handle it? 

It had only been a little over a week since I had given birth and I was still physically hurting. My eyes brimmed with tears because, well, quite frankly anything could make me cry right now. Not only that, but I wasn’t emotionally prepared to take on my newborn and toddler solo until Monday. I thought I still had a solid 5 days until I’d have to think about that juggling act, so mentally I was not ready and my energy was still at an all-time low. The more I stood and attempted to simultaneously match the energy and attention needs of my newborn and my 17 month old, the more overwhelmed I became. Today pain and bleeding had returned, making me feel even less equipped to fly solo the next day. 

I really am hurting, but am I making this up? Is my body in stress overload and it’s manifesting physically? (This is the paranoid nurse in me)

Why is this so hard? Why do I feel so overwhelmed? Women do this every day with even more children and I don’t see them complaining! Why can’t I pull it together?

Needless to say there was an explanation for my pain and bleeding that was not psychosomatic, and I did survive my husband working a half day the next day. Sleep deprived and emotional I set my mind to take it one hour at a time. We all made it to 5pm when Dad came home and it felt like a small victory to have managed the two by myself.

I believe that being a mom is one of the hardest and most humbling jobs a woman can have. While I have other hats I wear in other jobs, I write this from the perspective of mom. Working mom and mostly stay at home mom…I have a taste of both. I am still new to this journey of motherhood and will continue to learn each and every day. I am striving. Striving because I am not and never will be perfect, but every day I give it my all and pray that it is enough. 

This is my place of reflection. I reflect on who I am, what I do, and who I am called to be. I strive to grow from my mistakes, laugh at myself, and raise my kids to be the best they can be, and I strive to do it all with great love. I welcome you behind the scenes of my life on this journey of motherhood. Here I strive to be raw, honest, and vulnerable because being a mom is hard and I know I am not alone in what I encounter. 

Journey with me, pray with me, and feel free to comment. 

Christy